Proposition D8

This video is making the rounds on the 'net. Its pretty funny if you don't take yourself to serious and have suffered a Singles' ward.

Home Ward Husband Hunting

Despite my complaints that there's no singles' scene in my home ward the whole marriage thing is obviously accomplished as all of my YW peers are now - yup - married. I can't think of any one (other than myself) that is not currently engaged or married. To make it double-sad, several of those girls have been married, divorced, and re-married in that time. (Though I certainly don't care to sign up for that particular marriage subscription plan, thank you very much.)

Here are the common ways a single lass finds a candidate companion in northeastern PA:

1. Sugar[less] Daddies - Yup, in what should have caused a greater scandal than it did, one of the girls actually married one of the guys whose age is comparable to her father's age. She's happier than I've ever seen her, but it's still just creepy.


2. Sent to Utah - no joke, several of the girls were sent to Utah with the express purpose of finding a husband. Was it for the college education? Nope, some didn't even bother with the pretense and just skipping the process of applying to a college all together. These girls just went out there and hung out looking for husbands. The scary thing? It worked. And once again, in their defense, a few actually obtained community-college degrees prior to their stint in the happy hunting grounds.


3. Dating Classifieds - the most successful way of finding a husband when living in bankrupt PA apparently is to do the online dating thing. A few of the marriages have ended in divorce with kids, but for the most individuals it seems to have worked out quite well. Husbands have been fetched everywhere from upstate New York to Indianapolis. This just seems a little too mail-order-bride for my tastes.

Home-Ward Dating Scene

The cacophony of crying, laughing, gurgling babies clues me in that I'm not in Utah anymore. Well, not in a Utah singles' ward at least. For the past 5 months I've been living at home with my parents, and attending a family ward. There isn't a singles' branch to be had in these parts, and YSA activities tend to be multi-stake quarter-annual.

I might discuss how this impacts my own eligibility(living with parents is SO not a sign of maturity), or totally cramps my style (reporting to your Mom when you're going to be home is SO not cool). Alas, neither of these topics arise in my little, northeastern PA ward simply because there is no one to date within at least a 2 hour radius.

In the style of Vero, here are the generalizations of available men in the small, family ward in an area with a dearth of singles.

1. Cradle Dwellers - sure, there are a few sixteen and seventeen year old boys, but, seriously, dating kids that ought to be dating my youngest sibling is just gross. (Not that any young man is good enough to do that, so ya'll just stay back from my sister.) Just to make it a little more gross I'll add that I used to substitute teach these kids when they were in Primary.



2. Dishonorable Fellows - there are the boys who've been kicked off their mission or kicked out of college, they're not the paragons of commitment or intelligence. Maybe they'll grow up - someday - but today is not the day to consider them date-able.



3. Sugar[less] Daddies - worse than that, there are always the divorced, widowed, or single men of the ward able to now count down their years until retirement with their fingers and toes (or less). Dating guys who finished college before I was born is just, plain wrong even if they might have a well-balanced, profitable portfolio.

So what of all those nice, young men of a reasonable age - or even just between 21 and 35? They're all either married or attending college elsewhere. Home wards are SO not the place to be for a doorstep scene.

Generalizations on Men

This one goes out to Travis, who might just be able to dish it out AND take it...

(Note: I wrote this about two years ago, when I was still neck deep in the dating scene. While it may be hyperbolic, it does still smack a bit of truth in the face.)

Girls, we all know that there are millions of guys in the world, so why is it that we keep running into the SAME ones over and over again? Well, I'll tell you why. Because they all fall into these simple species:

1. The Man's man: This guy can also be known is the jock, the player, or even Captain America. For some reason, I keep being attracted to this type of man, like a lemming who knows what's going to happen but just can't help it. This man will break your heart. But not intentionally, because the Man's Man finds a woman's mind a totally incomprehensible thing. He only knows one way to approach women: physically. This guy goes through life on a gameplan, thinking that all he needs to do is look good and say the right thing, and women will fall into his lap. The sad thing is that for so many, it's worked, so he has no plans of EVER changing his approach. One day, this guy might wake up and realize that the girl worth having is the one that takes a little creativity to get, but don't hold your breath.

2. The "Sensitive Guy": This guy has somehow learned that in order to get close to a girl, you have to follow certain rules. Not only does he know all of these rules, but he could probably teach a college-level course in how to use them. He's the one you call, the one you trust to tell what happened with your date last night, and he's also the one who will go with you to see that chick flick you secretly love even though it's super sappy. He might dress really well, or not, but either way he knows how to melt any girl's heart. There are only two problems with Mr. Sensitive: either he's actually gay, or he's a total manwhore.

3. The "Perfect" Man: Many alive today doubt that this legendary being exists, but I'm here to tell you that he does, because I've seen him at least three times. Like sasquatch, he usually prefers to stay out of the spotlight and doesn't seek to call attention to himself. But for the girl who finds him, he is the ultimate catch - kind, loving, loyal, honest, and he always calls when he says he will. Sometimes he comes disguised as that guy you work with, or the one in your economics class. Either way, when you find him he totally restores your faith in the worth of the entire male population. The catch? He has a serious girlfriend, and she's ugly.