Another Just Friends Impossible

T recently posted about her experience with the "Just Be Friends" line. I will vouch that she has gone through two months of roller-coaster with her former long-time, serious boyfriend. I've never experienced something on that scale, yet I think my own, smaller scale can lend a little insight.

It is common among girls to prize their friendships very highly. Though what each girl seeks is very different. Some are about always having an active crowd available. Some keep a very tight circle. Some like to have similar people about. Some like to keep a diverse bunch about. Regardless of style, each person whom a girl references to as "friend" in the recesses of her mind is a very important person.

While dating a friendship begins to form. This friendship becomes very important. Yet, why exactly are we so quick to resort to the "just friends" in the dissolution of the boyfriend/girlfriend unit?

There isn't a single, comprehensive answer. Perhaps the girl wants to cling to her treasured friendship. Perhaps the guy does. Perhaps its an attempt by one party or the other too apply a balm to the sting of a break-up.

Even in shorter-term dating this line doesn't work. Yes, I have gone out with a guy for just a few, very casual dates before, and, yes, we remained "just friends." Those dates were literally with the intent to test the waters. When dating has turned slightly more serious - though certainly not on the scale of years or talks of marriage - the "just friends" line never seems to work no matter how dearly we wish it to.

Exhibit ChuckA. I was head-over-heels for ChuckA and - perhaps - if I'd grown out of my teenage views of life things might have worked out. Alas, there was just a little too much teenage self-inflicted drama to keep things afloat. ChuckA's expectations seemed to be that we'd eventually get to the marriage talks. (I must note that this is a gut-feeling and not a confirmed fact.) On the other hand, I was getting several, very large, very obvious, divine, red flags screaming, "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO." I decided to stick err on the side of the red flags, and tried to remain "just friends." It couldn't work. One party was too interested for it to work. For the record, we went out for 7-9 months depending on how you count. He and I are just friends now - but it took five years.

Exhibit ChuckB. I really, really, really liked ChuckB. The potential to be even more interested in ChuckB was there. We dated for about three months, yet he just wasn't that into me. We were friends, swapped DVDs, and found a lot to chat about, yet with me interested in him? There was no room for friendship.

Exhibit ChuckC. I was very interested in ChuckC, we were pretty good friends, and I still think we could've made a great couple. The trick? Well either I shot him down for a date at some point without realizing it whatsoever, or he just never had the guts to ask me out. I'm not certain which was the case, and based on his comments I sometimes had to wonder if it was the first. I'd known him for about two years when the girl who had been ferociously chasing him for a year finally won and married him. I still like to know what he's been up to. When I see him though? His wife glares like a hawk. So long as his wife forbids it, nope, no friendship.

Even just these three, simply, fairly-uncomplicated scenarios it always makes dating a friend rather anxious. Often, one must wonder if it is worth sacrificing a friendship on the alter of dating really worth it. After all, as much as we truly wish that the friendship can remain, history seems to point towards utter failure. Someday, though, someday we can't help but hope that a particular dating relationship might happily end - if not in marriage - friendship.

I'll let you know if I find the magic formula.