Sunday, December 23, 2007
I don't know/I don't care
I'm really bored and I can't sleep, so I'm going to speak my mind on what I consider a dating blunder - the extremely unhelpful female utterance of the phrases: "I don't know" and "I don't care." The context which I'm referring to is when the guy asks the girl what she wants to do, where she wants to eat, or any other inquiry as to her opinion or preferences. These responses are particularly frustrating when first dating. Why? For one, the ultimate purpose of dating is getting to know the other person. If you never express any opinions, voice any objections, or state any preferences, how is the man supposed to discover your personality? You might think you're doing the guy a favor by going along with everything and being a "good" date, but in reality you're likely giving him impression that you're not into him and not very thrilled to be on the date. Think about it: When he asks for your input, what is he supposed to think if you tell him you don't care? It can make it seem like the date isn't important to you. If that's the case, by all means communicate it; but otherwise just be yourself. Don't feel like you're imposing if he asks for your input. That's how you get to know each other and find common interests. Obviously there's a problem if he wants you direct everything, but sometimes guys just want to let you take the wheel and see where you steer it. As with everything, there's probably exceptions. Use discretion and don't abuse it, but don't shy away from opportunities to let your date know what you like (or don't like) and find out who you are.
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3 comments:
Amen. I'm so glad I added you to the writers of this bloggery.
Also, for more on this topic, you should check the archive for the entry titled "What 'I don't know' Usually Means".
good stuff. Although I think the best way to get input is to suggest something and then feel it out. that way you're giving them something to go off of as far as what you prefer. if they still don't have any input... well, let's explore it.
"What do you want to eat?"
"I don't know..."
"how about thai food?"
"sounds delectable!"
or...
"mexican food sound good?"
"I don't know, and I don't care."
"Okay then... you just hop out right here and keep that streetlight company, ya tool!"
Or, if you didn't want to get to know her in the first place, you can always go with...
"oh, well then... I guess we can skip straight to the doorstep scene?"
I must state that you should never, ever, ever, pick a girl up and then say, "What do you want to do?" without presenting options. You can ask such a question when you propose the date, but not once the date commences!
I appreciate your "don't abuse" disclaimer. Sometimes I'm just happy to be on the date and so long as one stays within moral boundaries and reasonable budgets I really don't care what we do. I'll try to be better about being clear about what I mean by, "don't know," and "don't care."
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